And thus, a new era commences

It’s been about a month and a half now since I’ve graduated. Things have changed and are continuously changing; it’s like nothing I’ve ever experienced before.

All my life I was accommodated into some form of routine. I get up at a certain time, I go to school at a certain time, I go to church at a certain time, and I go to sleep at a certain time. Even in the most eradicated form of organizational scheduling, also known as Full Sail, I still had a schedule at the beginning of every month to follow and to guide me.

As of now, however, things are looking extremely foreign from everything I’ve known.

(I see where everything in which said can be interpreted in a negative connotation, but I mean not to convey negativity, only uncertainty).

Uncertainty is an interesting concept to begin with, because I feel it’s partly Biblical. God doesn’t want to use people who seemingly have it all figured out; He continuously breaks the mold of countless people’s lives in the Bible, and I think he wants to do that with us, too. But I know it only begins with a life of constant listening, discernment, and willingness.

I knew I was getting into this life of uncertainty when I chose to pursue film, and arts in general — it’s difficult to find consistent work. But there’s something so nerve-wracking that it’s comforting about surrender to Christ. It’s nerve-wracking in the sense that life teaches us to only rely on ourselves: “if you want something done right, do it yourself.” However, the second we realize that making ends meet, discovering a ‘correct’ career path, and trying to live a full life is something beyond our control, the thought of a Savior whose intentions and plans are to take care of us suddenly seems extremely comforting in my life.

Interestingly enough, in this new era friendships and relationships are being tested to great heights — both physically and spiritually. Spending more time with someone makes you exponentially more vulnerable to them, and so comes a time in which mannerisms before unseen, start to irk our inner cores. Additionally, spending more time delving into another form of relationship — with God — challenges how you respond to everyday life, unceasingly discovering God’s intimations.

I could say I’m excited for all of this, and I wouldn’t be lying, but I think I’m more desiring the idea of surrender to become a reality. I want to live not on my own understanding, but transcend into one which escapes the capacities of my mind.

I ask for continual prayer, as we may support one another. There’s a big project God has laid on my heart recently, and I know it’ll come with a lot of strife; I have faith, though. In the midst of it all, I have faith everything will come together. Our vision is now limited, but one day we shall see the grandiose scheme of things and marvel at its beauty.

And thus, a new era commences.

14 May 7 Permalink

I’m becoming the person I’ve always dreaded becoming.

This isn’t okay.

22 January 1 Permalink

I just want to drive out to the middle of no where, sit on the hood of my car, look up at the stars, and talk all night long.

Who’s with me?

10 January 14 Permalink

Emotions may singlehandedly be the most difficult thing to explain

I always have such a hard time deciphering what I’m feeling — spiritually, physically, and especially emotionally.

Right now, my mind just won’t stop thinking. I don’t necessarily want it to stop, because the thoughts are all very important, but I just want some clarity. But for clarity, I have to do some of the work of at least laying everything out — AKA, thinking about it for more than 5 seconds.

AHHH.

7 January 2 Permalink

A letter from an old friend

I hope he doesn’t mind, but a friend of mine just sent this message to a few people on Facebook. I met Paulo back in January of 2011; he was at Passion. He came from Brazil and was spending a month in the US, but then going back there. He was such a great guy, and we really wish we had more time with him.

Hey everyone!

I wish I had the time to tell you the whoooole story. But I’ll do my best to tell you guys this and not neglect on glorifying God for ALL the great things He’s done. By the way like an Atl friend of mine told me, I would name this email God’s orchestra.

Early February this year, God put a new and great thing in my heart. And I was so sure it was Him. Even though He was the One who’d told me that, in the first semester of this year almost everything was not working out in a way that what He’d told me would happen. I had very tough desert moments in the first six months of this year, and by late June I had kind of given up. Despite all my desire to glorify God in school and in the internship, I was not doing a very very good job like I wanted. But deep in my heart I still knew that at some point soon God would come through. But just as His word says in Romans 8:28: “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Oh yeah just when it seemed to be over, the story gets really good.

By mid July rumors came out that the Government of Brazil and its Science and Technology Ministry would release a new “thing”, actually a very big thing to which - according to the rumors - I was not eligible to. It was clear to me that that was God’s answer and I knew that by the time they released the official document for signing up they would change stuff. And yeah they did. In August 26 they released it and my long, long Holy Spirit guided journey was started! 

Since it was a new and incredibly student crowd atractive thing, with only 40 days given for singing up and for taking a 200-dollar test, seven thousand students were in the process. Seven classes spread in the morning, afternoon and evening, tons of tests, resiging my internship, forms, forms, and more forms, essays, rec letters, driver’s license classes (finally), hundreds of emails, rides to the post office, lots of intructions, passing all my classes (that’s both semesters!) and more forms. All these things were part of my second semester. After a 20-day wait, to the glory of the Name of Jesus, on December 12th I received an email, and I am one of the 5 in my state, only of civil engineering going to study a year of my credits abroad, and out of many countries that had signed up in the program, I’m going to the U.S. to the University of Nebraska-Lincoln.

Specially during the second semester I prayed a lot about going to Passion 2012. Because God is SO good and to His glory also, they let me order the tickets this way, and they sent me a plane ticket to Atlanta!

I’m leaving this afternoon and prayers are truely appreciated. I’ll see some of you soon, and for those who are staying I’ll miss you guys a lot. I am forever honored to be part of God’s plans to bringing glory to His Name in whatever part I’m taking. Can’t wait for what’s yet to come.

ALL GLORY BE TO GOD.

Paulo

Out of ALL of the people, out of ALL of the countries, and out of ALL of the possibilites, it was him — in the US. Glory to God, without a doubt.

I can’t wait to see you, Paulinho.

1 January 1 Permalink

The Magic of the New Year

It’s officially January 1, 2012, and as I lay on my bed, about to fall asleep, I become curious as to see how the rest of my friend’s new year went about! I check the normal: Facebook, Instagram, and of course, Tumblr. Interesting enough, I see some commonalities. Commonalities from people in opposite sides of the world, from people whose temperaments are completely different, and even from people whom have completely opposing spiritual beliefs.

I see the common theme of new, fresh, and restart. I see people using the same words and phrases such as “I will,” and “from now on.” People have this extreme confidence and certainty that things will work out better this time around because they’re now making a conscious effort to change the way the following year will go about. They truly believe in the words they say, and truly desire something more in their lives. I love all of this. I’m all for change, especially in the lives of people could really use it (being that the last few years have only been tearing them down).

But what is it about December 31/January 1 that makes all of this happen? Is it really just a date? Is that all people need — a date — to change things so drastically? Time isn’t even tangible; if we were, as a population, to change our Gregorian calendar to a different type of calendar that contained more days in each month, but less months overall, what we now see as December 31 would suddenly become meaningless.

Maybe it’s the collective congregation of people celebrating the same thing that makes new years special? Maybe it’s a force of habit that’s been implanted in our brains since birth? Maybe all people just have short-term memory and they can’t remember their failed resolutions for the previous years?

Whatever the case, nothing is an excuse for this type of excitement, energy, and confidence not be repeated in the future. We focus so much on changing today, and today alone, that we limit ourselves during the rest of the 364 days. But let’s change this fallacious thought. Let today be a reminder that whenever things get tough, you can put your best foot forward and have a completely new start. The new year is, in essence, a dividing point — both in our lives, and the lives of everyone around us. It marks the end of an era, and the beginning of another. It marks the finale of maybe a rough patch in your life, and the dawn of what we all hope to be something so much greater.

So remember: this confidence that you have today, don’t let it escape your fingertips. Please, don’t be overcome by the weight of the world. Whenever life tries to hit you upside your head in 2012, just remember the magic of the new year.

1 January 1 Permalink

Time to process things

(I apologize in advance for the unnecessary amount of words [and the probable redundancy] that follows. It’s 4:17AM as I type this, and I’m just doing this because I need a place to process my weeks of bottled thoughts, while still having some type of accountability that is the rest of the world reading these same words. Sorry, and thank you).

Well, it’s officially the last day of the year of two thousand and eleven. I’m not exactly sure how I feel right now. I guess it’s not necessarily a bad feeling. When I think about 2011, the only thing that comes to mind is growth. I matured quite a bit throughout these past months. Both spiritually and as an artist.

I guess here are some of the good things: I got my first (and second) IMDB credit; I received (along with my spectacular crew) two awards for cinematography; I’ve felt at home at my church and actually part of a spiritual family; I’ve been challenged to extreme levels of thinking in regards to the things that have been spoon-fed to me, as well as the things no one has ever mentioned to me; myself (and two other wonderful people) are in the process of materializing and implementing a production/media company that will change the way we look at things; I’ve fell deeper in love with God, and the power that is in Him; I’ve become a better filmmaker, both in technical knowledge and theoretical knowledge.

It’s been a great year — it truly has. Do not let the following words null the preceding written words.

I didn’t really want to list the negatives here, but I did want to place an asterisk on all the good that’s happened this past year. Because I’ve reached a further place in relationships, in knowledge, and in love, there exists an exact opposite force either pulling me away or striving for more of each specific thing — and that’s not necessarily a bad thing. It can be, for an example, when I’m faced with the challenges of attempting to grow as a filmmaker, while attempting to understand more of God’s purpose in my life. At times, they feel diametrically opposing.

In my head it’s either read my Bible first thing in the morning, spend the rest of the day meditating on those things, and come back at night and worship on the piano OR wake up and read my American Cinematographer think about ways SULL Media could better grow, and then arrive at home and learn about Exposure Index and memorize the ARRI ALEXA’s functions. It’s difficult because the “God extreme” is great, but I feel like God wants to use this gift of filmmaking he’s capacitate myself with to fall further in love with Him. But I can’t seem to do it.

Changing almost completely the subject, beyond art and filmmaking, is the is confronting the life I lived prior 2011. You see, the people that knew me before I moved to Orlando in late 2010/early 2011, think I am the same exact person. They never expect change. So it’s hard to face people when they think you haven’t changed. They start talking to you about the same things they did before, in the same tone, using the same unnecessary words, and they expect you to be okay with it all. The he reality is, I’m not okay with any of it. At times, I feel like it’s taboo with my Christian friends in Fort Lauderdale to talk about Christ. Sound paradoxical, yes, but it’s the truth. A lot of times gossip is the norm; sexual jokes are the norm; saying things behind people’s backs is the norm. And there was a time in my life where, I’ll admit, I really didn’t care — I partook in all of that. But I’ve changed, drastically. I actually enjoy really deep conversations. I actually say ‘hello’ and ‘thank you’ to every person I see on the street. I actually love talking about God. I actually hate being fake to any person, and I hate having to hear personal things from other people that I’m not supposed to be hearing. I’m different.

But to convey this difference, it’s difficult. I fail time and time again. I fail not by saying things that go against who I am, but by not saying anything at all, which, in a sense, is just as detrimental.

Then, we have personal struggles, as well. Old habits that continue to appear time in time again, like a mirage in the desert. It’s frustrating to distinctly see days in my life where I promise to do one thing, and literal hours will go by and I see myself betraying my very own words. At times I’ve felt consumed with myself. And I wouldn’t be upset if it were something that happened once or twice — but as said before, the more deeply I grow in something, the more profound the opposite force exists.

There will be Sunday’s where the entire day is just filled with “God moments.” You know, having a dream, that’s way more than a dream, but a vision. Then, finding scripture that leads you to a thought of the infinite magnitute of Christ’s love for us. Next, going to church and being so profoundly impacted that all you want to do is run around with leaping joy. And finally having many life experiences come full circle with what you’ve partaken and realized in that day. Everything will be perfect. Why would I have things any other way.

The next, that’s when I succumb. I forget everything that happened mere hours ago, and I start to care more and more about me. I think about how I can become better at this or better at that. I think in ways that bring people down instead of edifying them. And there are times where I don’t even think — I just do (which is the worst idea of them all). It’s infruritating when I come to the realization of the stupidity of it all. But it’s a cycle, and it never seems to stop. Even when I try everything in my soul to break it.

But I guess all of this is part of life. I’ve loved 2011, but it’s stretched me to limits I didn’t even think I could go. I want to do better in 2012. I want to continue to change this world, through Christ who empowers me. I have so many dreams and so many aspirations. But I don’t want to forget 2011, because, at times, it was tough. I want to learn from my mistakes and learn how to overcome the things I couldn’t in 2011.

31 December 5 Permalink

Christianity: Never Intended to be Hypocritical

Here’s an excerpt of Galatians 2:11-21.
Please read it. I don’t think you’ll regret it.

11 When Peter came to Antioch, I challenged him to his face, because he was wrong. 12 Peter ate with the Gentile people until some Jewish people sent from James came to Antioch. When they arrived, Peter stopped eating with those who weren’t Jewish, and he separated himself from them. He was afraid of the Jews. 13 So Peter was a hypocrite, as were the other Jewish believers who joined with him. Even Barnabas was influenced by what these Jewish believers did.

14 When I saw they were not following the truth of the Good News, I spoke to Peter in front of them all. I said, “Peter, you are a Jew, but you are not living like a Jew. You are living like those who are not Jewish. So why do you now try to force those who are not Jewish to live like Jews?”

Just some food for thought.
Have a blessed day. 

6 December 8 Permalink

I Wish Black Friday Didn’t Exist

I know this isn’t 11-11-11, but right now, that is the wish I long to become a reality.

The idea of people spending their entire Thanksgiving Day camping outside in cold, rainy weather, instead of spending time with their own family — on one of the only days people actually don’t work — sickens me.

My family was never one of many traditions. I mean, there are specific foods my mom and dad always make depending on the holiday, but we never had many ‘original’ things we did every year. That is, with one exception: Black Friday ad hunting after Thanksgiving dinner. And can I just say, I hate it.

Growing up, I never went to the extreme of saying that I hated it. But I never felt happy during that time. Now, though, I can see things much clearer in the sense that this manipulative plot created by large corporations for people to spend more money than they have, only subsequently divides families. Yes, my family does spend time together looking at ads, but that is, in turn, replacing conversations of the development of relationships between relatives not frequently seen by one another. I’d love to talk about what my aunts and cousins are up to, but instead, everyone’s too busy seeing what time ToysRUs opens, or how much the new Xbox Kinect is being sold for at Best Buy. It’s aggravating, it’s frustrating, and it all bores me to death. I had nothing to do at home — no plans — yet I wanted to get out of my aunt’s house as soon as humanly possible.

To make matters even more delightful — (because of that whole BF environment) — my sister was pouting over the fact that she wanted a new iPod Touch. She has the first generation, but she “needs” the second generation. My mom evidently stated the obvious facts that she had one already, but this mindset of consumerism took over her brain, and she was whiny for the rest of the night.

Thanksgiving was supposed to be about giving thanks for the things we had, not the superfluous things we desired at that given time. Consumerism and capitalism have deceived where the source of our joy should lie. Instead of taking time to appreciate everything we have, we’re consumed with the thought of more, and the thought of me.

I’m sorry for all of this. I don’t mean to be nagging, and in no manner am I not thankful for the amazing family with which I’ve been surrounded. I love them all to death, and I wouldn’t trade them for anything.

But I still get annoyed.
Be blessed.

25 November 3 Permalink